The last of it, of June, I meant.

My heart got broken today. It never crossed my mind that what we have would come to an end. Now here we are, you are somewhere far from here and here I am staring at the ceiling and asking myself questions I knew there are no answers to, and if there are, the only person who has all the answers would be you.

I ask myself why are you not here with me, you usually would hug me tight every time I cry and you wouldn’t tell me to stop, I love it most when you tighten your hug to make me feel better because you knew I would never cry like a baby if I’m the one at fault.

I ask myself when did you stop doing the things you did to make me fall. I was so drowned with what we have I didn’t notice the distance between.

I ask myself where did you drop my heart, I remember your left hand was where I last placed it, your right hand you used to swear to hold my heart good. I ask myself what was wrong with what we have. Have I been too tight I choked you to death or have I been too numb I wasn’t able to feel the coldness?

I ask myself  how everything came to an end. How everything you worked hard for you can easily throw away? How everything you said you dreamt of, when it came true you just put to an end?

Maybe the only answer I have is this, “You move on, I will too“. And this is HOW EVERYTHING WILL END.

Oh. Happy day. No.

It’s been weeks. You don’t know how hard it is being left hanging. You don’t know how much pain I am in. You don’t know how hard it is for me to wake up every morning knowing something has been missing. I NEVER again will ask you to come back. I don’t want you to. I just want to make things clear. I want us to talk. I want to hear your reasons. They matter.

Being left without knowing anything makes everything harder. You’re lucky you’re never able to feel this way. I never let you and you know that so well. You’ve done this a couple of times and it really shows you don’t care. I was too gullible to even fall for like a thousand times.

I NEVER AGAIN WOULD WANT TO TAKE YOU BACK. Too many chances are way beyond enough. If you’re linked to other belles I would not care. You cheated? Sure. It hurts me too much and it is not because of those. I’m crying because I know I’m not worthy of this torment. I only want to talk. You always leave me like this and still every time you come back I’d hug you tight, but not this time. I wanted to hear AGAIN your LIES for doing so.

I am sorry I stopped pretending you’re there like you always say and that you care. Because if you do, then I guess things will not be like how they are now.

Now if you’ll tell me this is immaturity I’m showing by posting something like this, then okay. What’s important is I didn’t say anything that would hurt you. I didn’t utter lies that would ruin you. I only want to talk, closure to end this. If you’re telling me you’re matured enough then don’t leave me hanging like this. I’m so tired of you leaving me in the middle of nowhere asking questions to myself why we ended. You always hide behind your lies. Let’s end this. We talk. I stop. You’re free.