..because it is July 31st sweetie.

I hate it so much that I had to let you go. I love you, I do. It’s just that things are not in my control and obviously not in yours either. I know so well that you love me, I feel it. We tried I know but sometimes there are situations and feelings of others we need to consider. I feel guilty for things I know I’m not at fault. It’s hard for me to actually blame myself but I’m still willing to carry all the load just so you would not blame yourself. I prayed for you. I prayed for us. I knew we’ll be something great, I always prayed we’ll be and it’s sad what we had, had to end. But sweetheart, do know that no matter what, I love you. I can’t promise I’ll forever love you but at this very moment this is what I feel. I love you deeply and as long as you’re capable of smiling and being happy I am fine with that. I’ll be fine with just that. Be safe always. I love you.

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June first. Happy fifth.

You spent the day with me. Went some places you knew I’ll love and ate some food you knew will make me smile all smiles.

I don’t know why even the simplest things look grand with you and when they’re gifts from you. Maybe I really love you.

I’m missing you more and loving you even more.

There’s nothing else to say. I know we’re fighting some battle right now, pray we’ll make it through. If not, then that’s okay. I’ll always treasure everything I had with you. Mahal kita.

Of arts and ties. Oh lovely day. <3

He said he’ll teach me how to draw, the basics of it.

Hmm. He tried his best and I just can’t draw! LOL. I drew him a cat and he liked it and that’s enough.

He drew a couple, said it looked like us and I really didn’t think so, honestly. Hihi. The girl’s on skirt and snickers and a blouse with a smiley on the front and hair tied up with strands of hair on the face and the guy’s on pants and tie. I asked him about neck ties. Why are these ties ever invented? What’s it for? He laughed and kissed me, said I ask too many questions.

I borrow a neck tie from papa and he taught me how it’s done a couple of times and I just don’t get it. We end up playing around, I tied it on my hair and used it as a ribbon. I think that’s what neck ties are for. ;)

What a great day.

May 14th.

Keeping promises huh sweetheart? :)

Visiting me, on the first, seventh and fourteenth of the month bukod pa sa ibang araw na bigla ka lang nasulpot sa bahay.

But why do you have these unusual habits pagdating sa akin ha?

First, you, smelling my skin, always and now this: You closed your eyes and touched my face trying to memorize every detail. You touched my eyes, nose down to my lips then to my chin. (Funny you skipped my ears kasi alam mo malakas kiliti ko, hihi) You repeated this a couple of times.

Me: Ano na naman yan ha?

Boss: Kinakabisado ko lang ang bawat detalye ng mukha mo. Para kahit nakapikit ako alam ko. Pag di kita kasama, maalala ko. Kaya kita iguhit.

Me: (speechless, turned red)

Aww. You’re sweet. I love you.

Valentine’s Day.

He visited me. We talked. We laughed. We hugged. He even slow danced with me, though without music. (the sweetest) Hmm. Is that considered a date or what? LOL. Who cares? It does not need to be considered one. After all February 14 is not about having a date. Everything felt good. With him near. I don’t know where this one’s going but hope and pray this ends well. Oh and he kissed me. It’s a kiss on the nose and it gave me the chills. He’s just the cutest.

Thanks boss. :)

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February first. Happy first.

You surprised me with a kiss on the forehead at seven in the morning. You always give me the chills.

You brought roses and some of your artwork you would want to show me and see if I’ll approve. You asked for my opinion about your paintings and pieces and I really love it when you do that. It makes me feel special that you need to ask me every time you’ll work on your pieces.

Oh I love you.

Thanks for this day, boss.

January 18.

I forgot about this day.

Seven in the morning and an unregistered number gave my phone a ring and because I usually wouldn’t answer a call from someone I barely know, I ignored the phone call. Then a message:

“Boss, please answer the phone.”

So I answered the phone. It’s mi’love and of course I am always excited to hear his deep and low textured voice.

“Pupuntahan kita. Hintayin mo ako. Wag kang aalis. Hihintayin mo ako ha.”

He hung up. What has gotten into him? It’s only seven in the morning and I’m still sleepy. What woke me up into reality was that his voice sounded different. He sounded worried. I took a bath and waited.

Nine. He came. I hugged him soon as he arrived and told him I’m really happy seeing him early in the morning and that I am excited to spend the day with him. He hugged back, tight and then tighter. He kissed me on the forehead, then on the nose, then on the lips..

“Nag alala lang ako. 4th anniversary niyo supposedly. Baka lang kasi naalala mo siya at baka nalulungkot ka pa din at baka bigla mo ako makalimutan kaya pinuntahan agad kita the moment na marealize ko na January18 ngayon.”

I felt ambivalent. Happy because he loved me that much, sad because I made him worry.

“I forgot about this day and everything else that went with it. Sorry nag alala ka. I love you.”

He smiled. We hugged and spent the day together creating new and happier memories that would make me forget everything about Januay 18.

I LOVE YOU.